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- Why is it that no matter what colour of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
- Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?
- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
- How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?
- Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?
- Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
- When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'It's all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot?'
- Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
- Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
I’m sure you all have heard about people who have been abducted and be-stolen their kidney . . . ? ! Did you think it’s only nonsense? NO . . . Body-parts “disappear “ all over the world all the time.
Take me per example . . . Some years ago, I lost my thighs. It happened one night I went early to bed. I went to bed in my own body, but the next day . . . I woke up with somebody else’s thighs! ! ! It was obvious that they were not mine. They looked like something similar to oat-porridge. Who can be so cruel doing something like that?? Who was the owner of these thighs and where were mine?? I used that summer to look for my own thighs. Sad and angry, at the end I had to accept that stay-up stockings was out and long panty-hose with extra support was in.
One day I again was not on watch, the thieves hit out again! This time, it was my buttock they wanted. It must have been the same bandidos, because although the buttock now was 10 cm lower than original, the new buttock suited exactly the thighs I had got earlier. . . Now the thighs and the buttock suited each other, but not me . . . Awful! ! ! The only thing I now could ask for, was that long skirt again should become a fashion.
If this was not enough . . . One morning my stomach-muscles was gone. I woke as usually, but it was obvious, somebody had taken my stomach-muscles! My upper body looked something like liquid, and it was obvious that my guts was splashing around right behind the skin of my stomach, without anything keeping it on it’s place. . . .
It was then I started to use body-stockings when I should go out any place. (I envy my mother her girdle.)
A couple of year ago, they took my arms too . . . They had been replaced with some-ones else’s.
One day as I was doing my hair, I suddenly found myself fascinated and terrified looking at how the meat on my upper arm swung from side to side in harmony with the movement of the hair-brush.
Terrified, I stopped using blouses with short sleeves.
It was terrifying to see how all my body-parts slowly, but surely, had been changed.
Age? Age doesn’t have anything to do with this . . . Age is something that comes slowly, invisible, little by little, like getting ripe.
No, this was something coming from unknown source – attacking me – again and again without warning! What is the next??
The night my firm chin got replaced with a turkey’s . . . I decided to tell you my story.
Hi you . . . All women in all ages – support me in my campaign against plastic surgery! They don’t use plastic, you know . . . You do know from where they get all those firm tights, flat stomachs and firm chins, don’t you??? Yes right, they take ours! ! !
We are against plastic surgery! ! We demant our right to keep our own firm body to ourself! !
PS. Last year I though they had stolen my breasts too; I woke up in the morning and looked down at my body – and my breasts were gone! ! ! Nothing . . . flat as a tray! !
I jumped out of the bed and run to the mirror. . . to my relief I discovered that they had only slipped down under my armpit, while sleeping. . . .
TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY,
THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT;
AND ONE FRIENDSLAPPED THE OTHER ONEIN THE FACE.
THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT,
BUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH
THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED
GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.
AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:
"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE ".
THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND ASKED HIM,
"AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND
AND NOW, YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?
"THE FRIEND REPLIED:
"WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND,
WHERE WINDS OF FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT.
"LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND
AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.