Sunday, May 13, 2007

Been at the doctor lately? . . .

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Embarrassing Medical Exams told by new-educated doctors. . .

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one," I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI


AND FINALLY!!!................

7. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No Doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
Submittet by RN, no name

6 comments:

Infinitesimal said...

I can see why the last RN chose to keep himself anonymous!
It was the best.

thanks for the entertainment.

Hammer said...

Funny!

Lee Ann said...

Those are great! I will remember those the next time I need to relax while at the doctor!

hotboy said...

Funny post! I checked out your book publisher. I've got a pal who was talking about such a service. How have you found it? Were you happy with the cost and service, etc. Hotboy

Kirsten N. Namskau said...

Hotboy: Which publisher are you talking about? The funded publisher "Athena Press" or the self-publisher "mobipocket"?
I am actually very pleased with both options. Athena Press did a grate job for the money charged. I paied the cost for the first 2000 copies, after that I don't pay anything more. I paied i four rates, and it was a very close contact. they took care of everything from A to Z ... copyright and ISBN,, the cost also included an artist that did the frontpage. They are very honest and all the time stays in contact. Any question...they answer right away.
Still I am new at mobipocket, but so far I am very pleased. Easy to make the publishing, grate admin that gives you an excellent overview over sale and income.

hotboy said...

Thanks for that! Hotboy