I've got an answering-machine . . .
I've made some "welcome openings" . . . . Do you think these are good enough???
Messages at the answering-machine . . .
Hi. This is Kirsten: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my Financials aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.
Hi. Kirsten's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owner do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and her carpets are clean. She gives to charity through her office and do not need her picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and she will get back to you.
This is not an answering machine; this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you and I'll think about returning your call.
Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Hi, this is Kirsten. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now, because I’m in the loo. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by me.
"Hello, you have reached a home that thought it was so smart getting a cordless phones. The person you are trying to reach is here right now, staring at me as I answer this call and searching desperately for her cordless phone in the mess on her desk. It won't matter if she finds it since she didn't leave it on the charger last night and the battery is dead. So you might as well leave a message with me and I'll have her call you after the 4 hour handset recharge period is completed."